The Quiet Fear of Growing Old

I often imagine myself at the age of sixty years old, where I wonder what my life looks like. Do I have a job to go to? Do I have grandchildren? Are my children in a stable condition? Am I happy with my life? I often observe my grandparents and what goes on in their minds. Do they wonder about existential life? Do they ponder upon their memories? Are they happy with the trajectory of their life? A few months ago, my grandpa had a transient ischemic attack (TIA), which is basically where he blurts out words that are random, meaningless, or incorrectly put together that make no sense. After a month, he was much better, but faced problems such as memory loss, couldn’t recognise people's names, and started developing a lot of anxiety. Now, why am I telling you this, you might ask? Well, after this attack, my grandpa started getting way too stressed about the future, had negative thoughts about what might happen, which led to other external problems. The only problem was that he was scared. Scared of not knowing what could happen, scared of leaving his children, but most of all, scared of life. I asked him one day, "What is one thing you regret the most in your whole life?” He replied, “I regret not doing enough. I had a mind. I was extremely knowledgeable and well-educated. With my wisdom, I could have done far more things in my life than I already have. I could have earned triple the amount of money I'm earning, I could have helped quadruple the number of people I am helping now, I could have done so much more.” I think regret is the most painful emotion ever- not knowing your own potential and spending the rest of your life wondering. A few weeks ago, I asked my dadi (paternal grandmother) what her favourite memory was. I figured that she would take a maximum of 2-3 minutes to wonder, but she said she didn’t know what it was. My dadi is someone who likes nail polish, henna, dancing, makeup, listening to bhajans (music) and watching TV. I wonder what her dream was like before she got married. What did she want to do? Did she want to pursue fashion? Arts? Music, or dance? She got married at the young age of 19 and had 3 children by 22. Now, when I ask her, she says it’s too late. Why should it be too late to do something you’ve always wanted to do? I see my grandfather watching the TV, feeling bored but helpless, just because he has nothing else to do. I see my grandparents feel lonely, lack motivation, and have fear instilled in themselves that they’re wasting the years they have left. This led me to create: The purpose calendar, where each day contains one activity to do. The purpose calendar uses four pillars: create, connect, contribute, and reflect. It helps people transform their remaining time into memories, relationships, and a legacy. That makes it much more powerful than a typical productivity tool. 

Gerascophobia is a fear of growing or ageing. People with this condition experience severe anxiety about physical changes, declining health, or losing their independence, often leading to obsessive behaviours or panic attacks when confronted with the passage of time. However, sometimes we realise that our main fear isn't just about getting old, but about not living life to the fullest, not accomplishing everything we were meant to do, not feeling fulfilled or satisfied, or being scared of what might happen after we're gone.

To truly understand how these feelings develop, I decided to interview the elderly and ask them about how they feel. Here are a list of questions that I asked them:

What is the hardest part of growing up?

"The hardest part of growing up is watching your body slow down while your mind still wants to do the things you used to do. It feels like you have no time left, as if life is slowly coming to an end. It's difficult losing friends and loved ones and adjusting to those changes."

If you could give someone a piece of advice, what would that be?

"Don't spend so much time worrying about things you can't control. Be kind to yourself, work hard, take care of your health, and make time for family. Those are the things you'll remember later in life."

Here are a list of activities you can do to feel like yourself :)

Physical Activities

• Going for daily walks

• Gentle yoga or stretching

• Swimming or water aerobics

• Tai Chi (improves balance and flexibility)

• Gardening

• Dancing (ballroom, line dancing, or cultural dances)

• Light strength exercises

• Playing golf or lawn bowls

Mental Activities

• Reading books or newspapers

• Solving crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or jigsaw puzzles

• Playing chess or card games

• Learning a new language

• Taking online or community classes

• Writing stories, poetry, or a journal

• Doing brain-training games

Creative Activities

• Painting or drawing

• Knitting, crocheting, or sewing

• Pottery or ceramics

• Photography

• Cooking or baking new recipes

• Flower arranging

• Woodworking or DIY crafts

• Playing a musical instrument

Social Activities

• Spending time with family and friends

• Looking after grandchildren

• Joining a book club

• Attending religious or cultural events

• Going to senior community centres

• Having coffee with friends

• Playing bingo or board games

• Celebrating birthdays and holidays together

Community Activities

• Volunteering at charities or schools

• Mentoring younger people

• Helping at food banks

• Participating in neighbourhood events

• Joining environmental clean-up groups

• Reading to children at libraries

Technology-Based Activities

• Video calling family

• Using social media to stay connected

• Watching documentaries or educational videos

• Taking online courses

• Learning basic photography or digital editing

• Playing online games with friends

Relaxing Activities

• Listening to music

• Bird watching

• Meditation or mindfulness

• Watching movies or TV shows

• Visiting parks

• Spending time with pets

• Watching sunsets or enjoying nature

Purposeful Activities

• Family genealogy (creating a family tree)

• Writing memoirs or recording life stories

• Passing down family recipes

• Teaching grandchildren life skills

• Caring for houseplants

• Organising old photographs and memories

Common Hobbies Among Older Adults

• Gardening

• Reading

• Cooking

• Walking

• Knitting

• Fishing

• Painting

• Volunteering

• Travelling (if able)

• Playing cards or chess

• Crossword puzzles

• Bird watching

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